help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
