I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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