theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
