walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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