i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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