I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
