The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize