the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
