What a fucking waste of an outfit
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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