My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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