i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
