giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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