just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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