I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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