census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
