1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are my feet made of real feet?
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The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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