Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
