I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can text with my tongue
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
