oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
