Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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