I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
