i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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