He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
