So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
