I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
