I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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