You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
