wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
