Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
