So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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