I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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