Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
