If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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