This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
