she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would fuck him just for his dog
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
