have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
