If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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