Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
my liver is dry heaving
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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