i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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