How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have already put on my inside pants.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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