Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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