I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I died a long time ago.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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