after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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