If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
