It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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