at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
