he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
