You're my little dorito
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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