I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
