nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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