then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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