Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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