And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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