this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
